D:

Well my post gotted denied. Shit.

I have a few ideas bouncing about...

Neville gets high in Herbology and Ron, Harry and Neville get addicted to muggle pot.

A Harry/Kreacher slash

A Hermione/Arthur thing

Neville learning to play quidditch with Harry on a defective broom.

So there's that.

Should you feel the need, you could totally tell me if you see anything wrong with my fanfic below... fanged.wonder@yahoo.com


Thanks for reading!

Harry Potter

I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the characters, but JK Rowling does.

Both Sirius and Harry where at Number Twelve, Grimald Place when Ron busted through the front door with a bang. His face was a matching colour to his hair, and he was breathing hard.

“Harry!” Ron cried, his eyes raging with an anger that Harry hadn’t seen for a long time.

“Ron!” Harry cried back, his smile mocking.

“Sirius!” Cried Sirius, as he got up from the chair he was sitting on. “Kreacher! Lupin! Mrs. Weasley!” He was calling names as he left the room annoyed. “No, Kreacher, I didn’t summon you…” He sighed from the stairs.

A long second passed, in which the only sound was Ron’s raged breath. “Hermione… and Ginny…. They’re coming here… real soon… by Floo,” He gasped for breath. Harry beckoned with his hand for Ron to sit down, and he did.

“Kreacher!” Harry called, and Kreacher apparated seemingly instantaneously.

“Yes master?” the house elf bowed deeply.

“Kindly fetch Ron a glass of water,” Harry smiled at the elf, who bowed again as he left the room to follow his orders. The boys sat in near-silence once more as they waited for Kreacher’s return.

“Why are you so out of breath, then?” Asked Harry after a long moment of listening to Ron’s breathing stay at the same rapid tempo that it held upon his entry.

“I had to come her quick… without them knowing… and I couldn’t apparate… because they would… hear me. So I had to… fly here… but I didn’t know… that Fred and George… had bewitched the broom… but by the time I realized… I was too far into… muggle territory.” He said, grabbing the water from Kreacher, who had just arrived again, and gulping it down gratefully.”

“Wait… that told me absolutely nothing!” Harry demanded, angry that Ron hadn’t told him everything. “What’s wrong with Ginny and Hermione?” By this time, Ron had calmed down considerably, and his face returned to it’s normal colour.

“Bloody hell, I need to get into shape,” he began absently, clearing his throat. “Well, here it is. Ginny invited Hermione over for a few days, you know, for fun. Aside from the fact that they are both full-grown and out of school and all, but I came downstairs one morning and caught them-” Ron was interrupted by the fireplace in the kitchen, which produced Hermione, her bushy hair coated in soot. Soon thereafter, Ginny followed suit, and also had soot covering herself. They laughed warmly when they saw each other so dirty and began patting each other clean. They wandered into the sitting room taking their sweet time.

“Alright, alright, get on with it then!” Ron demanded impatiently. The two girls both turned around to face Harry and Ron with a heavy sigh. Ginny turned to Harry, and Hermione to Ron. They both crossed the room and sat on their boyfriends’ laps. They looked at each other, and then turned their gaze to the floor shyly. Harry’s mind clicked almost audibly, and he stood up abruptly, dropping Ginny to the floor on her bum.

“NO!” he bellowed, looking at Ginny with hurt in his eyes.

“YES!” shouted Ron, pushing Hermione off his lap as though she was Malfoy. She too dropped to the floor on her bum.

“Harry, I didn’t mean for you to know this way… We where going to ease into it-” Ginny began, but was silenced by Sirius who came down the stairs singing a muggle tune loudly.

“Oh, good! Ginny, I think you left a your skirt here last night, and I have it washed for you!” He said while wandering into the kitchen, not noticing anything unusual about having his godson’s girlfriend’s clothes just lying around in his godson’s room. Ginny blushed as Ron turned to face her with rage in his eyes.

“So what now then?” said Harry once Sirius was out of earshot.

“Well, me and Hermione found this really cute place just outside hogsmeade, and it’s really cosy…” Ginny started, when looked at Hermione for assistance.

“And I think that we are going to live there for a while, and-” But she stopped suddenly, because Harry produced a sound not unlike a cat having his tail pulled sharply.

“But I though you loved me, Ginny!” Harry yelled.

“But I do, denary, just not as much as I love Hermione.” At these words, Hermione put her arm around Ginny, her eyes shining. Ron burst out laughing then, making Harry jump.

“What?!” He shrieked, eyes promising murder.

In unison, the three cheered: “APRILFOOLS!” with massive stupid grins on their faces.

Harry stood frozen, mouth gaping like a fish. “Wh… What?” He stammered. Ginny stepped out of Hermione’s embrace and took up Harry’s
hand.

“April fools! It’s this new muggle holiday Dad was talking about, and it sounded like such good fun that we decided to play a little joke on you so-” She stopped, bewildered, as Harry’s face contorted into the face he wore when he killed Voldemort.

“Ginny, this is not funny. If this is the way you treat your boyfriends, then, well, maybe I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore.” It was Ginny’s turn to freeze with her mouth gaping, but this time with hurt. Hermione approached Harry by placing her hand on his shoulder.

“Harry I-”

“APRIL FOOLS!” Cried Harry, laughing like a madman. He turned and looked at Ron and Hermione, and they joined in with his laughter. Harry turned to look at Ginny, and was slapped hard in the face.

“How dare you play with me like that!” Screamed Ginny, sounding a lot like her mother. Harry was backtracking immediately.

“Ginny, dearest, don’t take it so seriously… I love you! Please don’t be mad…” Sirius entered the room looking very happy.

“Kids, come now. Let’s not fight, because Godfather Sirius has something upstairs that will cheer you all up tremendously!” He waved his hands above his head and laughed hysterically as he made for the staircase.

“What’s wrong with him?” Ron muttered low enough so just the four of them could hear.

“I don’t know…” Answered Ginny, who would have known just as well as Harry for all the time she spent at his home.

The foursome followed Sirius up the stairs and marvelled at how clean the place looked after Kreacher had taken up his house elf duties at the end of Voldemort’s reign.

“Harry, have you ever wondered how Sirius got an entire hippogriff up this narrow staircase?” Wondered Ginny.

“Yes, Ginny dearest. I believe that if this house where to be portrayed on camera, it would prove very narrow indeed, and getting Buckbeak up here would have proved very tricky. Luckily, we’re not on camera, so this staircase is bigger than it looks.” Ron scratched his head, trying to process all of that in his thick head.

“Ronald, it means that there was no trouble getting it up the stairs, only that a muggle movie camera would make it seem really small, and that Daniel Radcliffe is larger than he looks.” Hermione clarified.

“Oh.” Ron replied simply. “What is a movie camera?”

“Why, it’s a machine that takes 22 pictures a second, and then plays them back at full speed, giving the pictures the illusion of movement.” Replied Ginny, leaving everyone but Hermione gobsmaked.

“Actually, Ginny, I believe that’s 24 pictures per second.” Hermione said, a little smug.

“How did you know that, Ginny?” Harry asked, a question for which Ginny had no answer.

By this time, they had reached the top of the steps and had followed Sirius into his room. When the entered, Sirius was nowhere to be seen. They all called his name in turn, but received no answer.

“Where could he be?” Hermione wondered out loud. Ron poked his head out the door they had just come through and looked up and down the hall.

“Look!” He cried, jumping to the door across the hall.

“There wasn’t a door there before, was there Harry?” Inquired Ginny.

“No, I don’t think there was,” He sighed and watched the scene unfold before him. Ron tugged on the door handle to no avail.

“Guys… Give me a hand here,” He said, putting his foot on the wall beside the doorframe for more power. Hermione also found purchase on the doorknob and pulled as hard as she could. Suddenly, Hermione got an idea.

“Ron, stop,” She sighed. He obeyed, and Hermione turned the knob and pushed the door open.

“Oh,” Said Ron looking at the floor, his cheeks slightly pinker that they where before. “Gosh, Hermione. What would we do without you?” Hermione opened the door, and all four of them entered in turn, looking at the walls that looked so out of place compared to the rest of the house. There was no carpet, and no paint on the walls. It was cold. Ginny shivered, and Harry put an arm around her. Suddenly, the door slammed shut, and everyone spun around quickly. Standing where the open door used to be, was Sirius. He had a big black hat on that rose about two feet into the air making him look exceptionally loony. He had on pants striped with vertical black and white patterns and a muggle overcoat above that on his midsection.

“Hello, children,” Sirius said menacingly. He taped the end of his wand on the door, and it disappeared. He then waved it above their heads and the room changed subtly. It seemed to expand, and then get darker. All four of the kids scooted in closer to each other as they watched in amazement and wonder as the room morphed into a white padded cell, like the sorts that muggles used in special prisons. The lights flickered, and then it was blindingly bright. Everyone winced.

“Sirius?” Called Harry.

“Yeeeesssss?” He replied in sing-song voice.

“What is going on?” Demanded Hermione.

“Hey guys. It’s really bright in here.” Said Ron, attempting to shield his eyes with his hand and look around.

“It is,” Ginny sighed in a trance-like state faintly reminiscent of Luna Lovegood.

Ron walked forward and touched one of the walls. “Hermione! Feel this wall! It’s so soft!” He looked at it curiously, then began to run his cheek up and down on the wall.

Hermione put her hands on her hips and looked at Ron, who was now joined by Sirius. “Harrryyy… this waaalll…. So sofffttt!” Insisted Sirius dreamily.

“Oh, come on, Ron! Honestly, it’s a wall! Snap out of it!” She put her hand on his shoulder, and he spun around faster than Harry had ever seen him move. He barred his teeth and produced a growl in the back of his throat. Sirius cracked into hysterical laughter and leaned against the wall to brace himself.

“Harry, are you itchy?” Ginny asked, scratching her neck, then arms, and the torso. “I just feel really itchy all of a sudden!” Harry, thoroughly unnerved by all of their actions, backed up in an attempt to distance himself from them. His back touched the wall, and he sank to the floor.

“Ginny! Stop talking about me! Don’t talk to that cat about me! You have no right to talk to that cat, much less about me!” Harry repeated variations of the same things to the itchy Ginny, who wasn’t listening because she couldn’t hear him over Sirius’ mania of hysteria. Ron was rubbing his body on any surface he could find, while Hermione curled up in a ball and began to cry for her mother.

Unexpectedly, one of the white pads on the wall was blown away by a green light. No one stopped except for Harry, who recognized the green light and froze. Through the hole came Voldemort. Harry’s friends didn’t notice as he waked agonizingly slow toward Harry with his grey hand outstretched. Harry pulled his robes apart trying to find his wand… an exceptionally sharp piece of pocket lint… anything to defend himself against his approaching attacker. Harry stood and put his nose close to the spot where Voldemort’s should have been and yelled as loud as he could, trying to throw him off.

Harry didn’t notice his lack of attack at first, because he thought his actions effective. Then Harry took a step back to look at Voldemort closer. He was smiling. Harry didn’t know what to do. Sirius rolled over in his unrelenting madness and accidentally made Voldemort tumble softly to the padded floor with a dull thud.

“Sirius, you knocked me over!” Voldemort whined, getting to his feet and rubbing his shoulder. How he sustained injury was a mystery to Harry, but by this time he really didn’t care. Voldemort scratched his head, and his skin moved with it disconcertingly.

“Harry, it’s a mask!” Hermione cried unexpectedly.

“Dammit, Hermione!” Voldemort cried, his voice sounding less characteristic, and more like…

“GEORGE?” Cried Harry, grabbing Voldemort’s face and tugging sharply. The face of Voldemort melted into thin air, and Harry faced George- or Fred- Weasley in the face. “What is this!” Harry growled.

“APRIL FOOLS, HARRY POTTER!” Cried George/Fred.

Harry Potter did not think this was funny. His insides hurt with the pain of lost parents. “This man killed my parents.” Harry said without expression. “HE BLOODY KILLED THEM!” Harry launched himself a Georgefred, flinging both to the ground. Sirius jumped up and pulled them apart.

“Harry, it’s just a joke.” Sirius insisted.

“And you thought it was funny?! That man is dead. I have had nightmares for years because of him. He is the reason that I have to live with you, because you are my only family. You of all people, being my Dad’s ’friend’ would be with me on this!” Harry felt pain and as though Georgefred had run him through with a rusted old pipe. He felt violated.

“Jeez, Harry. It was just a joke.” Insisted Sirius. Harry turned away and left the room, leaving everyone else feeing guilty.

“Shit.” said Georgefred in defeat, summing up all of the emotion in the room in a simple word. All six of them sat in silence, reflecting on what had just happened.

Harry ran through the door just then, smiling.

“APRIL FOOLS!” he shouted.

“Harry, it really wasn’t funny.” Hermione said solemnly. “The fact that you and Sirius both thinks someone pretending to be Voldemort is funny shows that you have a serious chemical unbalance. You need to see a doctor.”

“What? I was just trying to… Well… I thought…” Harry had thought that it was essentially a good prank, and that it was good-hearted. Both Harry and Sirius had nothing to say.

“Wow. I don’t think I have ever had a prank suck as bad as this one.” Georgefred sighed. He straightened up quickly and tapped his costume with his wand, bringing about his Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes colourful robes onto his body in a second. He stood there, and nobody made a move. “Well… I’m going to then.” And he turned on the spot and apparated from the Black mansion.

Everyone sat in a pressing silence, and the time passes with awkwardness that would have been unsurpassed if everyone was also naked.

Ron stood and Ginny followed suit.

“I’m going to go find something to eat,” Ron excused himself from the room.

“Er… Me too,” Hermione said simply, also leaving.

The silence continued uninterrupted. Harry rubbed his hands together and looked at his shoes.

“I’m going to go make some tea…” Sirius said.

“Me too. Come along, Harry.” Ginny was out of the room faster than Voldemort could cast the killing curse, grateful for the excuse to leave the room.





That up there? Yah. It's my first fan fiction. I'm really proud of it!